Written by: Amy Gauvin
When Kerrington asked me to be a part of this event, I was a little nervous but I was honored to be a part of it. I have never done this before!!! I would like to share from my heart and be real with all of you and share how amazing our God is!
When I was a child...I knew in my heart there was a God. A part of me knew he was real. I went to youth groups with the neighbors across the street sometimes, but that's as far as it went. I was raised in a non Christian home and never learned about him. I come from a loving family of five. Mom, Dad, older sister, me(in the middle) and younger brother. We lived in a small town and were a loving family. I had a great childhood filled with joyous memories. My parents provided for us and tried their best to give us everything we needed.
When I was 13...my Dad became very sick with complications from being a Diabetic. When I turned 15...the disease took my Dad, he was 41. It was the hardest time in my life, in all our lives. Usually a family would come together strong after a tragedy like this, you would think. My Family grew distant from each other. We went through our own grieving process and drifted apart.
When I was 16, I found myself living on my own. I needed to grow up quick! Survival mode! I managed to stay in school...have my own place...have a part time job and eventually get my High School diploma. I had a boyfriend during this time, he became abusive and I left the relationship.
At the age of 18-19, I did have my party nights and drugs and alcohol were a part of my life. Determined to "live my life and have fun" I was out with the girls and ran into a man at a club that I knew from when I was younger.. We started chatting and dating and moved in with each other. He wasn't like the past boyfriend so I thought this was Love. Years of being together, we planned to start a family.
When I was 6 months pregnant...the fidelity had been broken in our relationship. We stayed together and gave it a chance because we were having a baby. My oldest daughter came into our lives in 2001. We were engaged one year after that and married in 2003 . We drifted apart and the marriage lasted 8 months and we separated and divorced.
I was a single Mom at 25. I went into survival mode like I did when I was 16. I had a job, a car, my own place. I had a stable home for my daughter and I. When she was at her Dads every other weekend...I was out and about having "me" time. I went to my best friends house for the weekend, there I met a man.
He was charming and understood what I was going through at the time because he was also in the same boat. We would talk and hang out from time to time. We didn't see each other for a while and ran into each other again and started dating. We fell in love.
After 8 months he met my daughter. They got along great and most of all...he adored her and she adored him. We talked about kids and our mind set was if it happens it happens. Well...it happened. We moved in together and all seemed perfect. My youngest daughter came into our lives in 2006. We were a loving family.
We were engaged in 2009. He was raised in a Christian home and knew the Lord. He talked with me about it and we agreed to start going to church with the girls and having God in our lives. Spring in 2011 I was saved and baptized. We talked about having a backyard wedding in summer 2012.
My Journey begins.....
In Feb of 2012...my life had the rug of security pulled out from underneath me. Infidelity had taken place once again. I was a single Mom of 2 in the blink of an eye. I didn't understand...I was confused. This time it sent me into a depression and anxiety attacks and felt so empty.
I was a new believer in Christ. I had two options....run from God or run to God! I was in my kitchen one morning getting ready to start my depression meds, then God spoke to me. He asked me if I was going to allow him to heal me or the depression meds? I stood there crying and thinking of my baby girls...What do I do?
How can I be there for them and comfort them if I am on medication? I knew right then and there that God can be my healer! Phil 4:13 I CAN DO ALL THINGS IN CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME!
Everywhere I went it seemed I read or heard "The truth will set you free". What did this mean? I realized that all those lies the Enemy was trying to attack me with....God was going to replace them with his Truth and set me free! THE WORD!! I dove in as deep as I could. I relied and trusted and leaned upon his word!
As I went through emotions of rejection, fear, hopelessness, no self worth, loneliness. God showed me that the Enemy had no ground to stand on those lies and his daughter was going to rise from those ashes!!
The healing process began, and true Intimacy with him!
I was feeling rejection, but with him I discovered I am accepted. He loves me. He cares for me.
Eph 1:4-6 God chose us in Christ before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He has made us accepted in the Beloved.
I was scared...feeling unloved,
I am not alone. He is with me!
Psalm 23:4-6 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me, Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
I was lonely, He came to me and called me to be alone with him and gave me Hope!
Hos 2:14-16 Therefore, behold, I will allure her(Israel) and bring her into the wilderness, and I will speak tenderly to her heart. There I will give her vineyards and make the Valley of anchor (troubling)to be for her a door of hope and expectation. And she shall sing there and respond as in the days of her youth and as the time when she came up out of the land of Egypt. And it shall be that day, says the Lord, that you will call me Ishi (my Husband), and you shall no more call me Baali (Baal).
There was a pattern in my life. I was putting all my Faith and Trust in the men to fill the void in my heart that I longed for. Having lost my Dad at an early age, I was missing that Love from a man, I looked to them for comfort, protection, my identity and to love me. When you put all your Faith and Trust in man...you will be disappointed. They couldn't fill that void and it was absurd for me to think they could.
God was the only one that could! Their choices didn't define who I was. I AM a new creation in Christ! I am responsible for my own choices. I chose LIFE! I needed to make the choice to break those chains of bondage. I am forgiven by the blood of the lamb! His Mercy and Grace poured over me. Forgiveness filled my heart for all. His Spirit rose inside me. God showed me what true Love and Intimacy was!
He is the true lover of my soul and I hand my will to him to guide my ways and lead me. He has chosen that perfect Godly man for me and I will wait patiently knowing we are both being prepared for each other and its all in Gods timing and plan! His plan is not good...not better...its the BEST!
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts and plans, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.
I am making a LEGACY for my daughters. Showing them to seek God first and He will show them their identity in Christ, that they are precious jewels and Daughters of the King. To wait patiently in purity and excitement for that man God has already chosen for them. With Gods help it will be for His Glory for both of them!
My Life now was never what I though it would be at 37...But I know with God it will be more than what I ever imagined. He is the author and finisher of my faith. My end WILL be greater than my beginning. His Love never fails!
God Bless!!
XOXO
~Amy
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