A vulnerable story of finding true identity and eternal hope in Jesus Christ...
Eight years ago I could not remember a week where I wasn’t scrounging for the next $10.00 so that I could afford a dime of weed to get me through until payday.
My life consisted of drugs, alcohol, partying, and exposing my body sexually to different men. I had no hope. I had no reason to live, and even though numerous people surrounded me, I felt so alone.
I had one close girl friend and at that time she was more than a friend. We were the best of friends when she wasn’t using me sexually, or manipulating me to fulfill her own emotional and sexual needs.
Yes – some people would have defined this as being bi-sexual, but I define it today as a stolen identity. I was born into what I would call a Non- Christian family – we went to church, but never lived as we did. My dad left my mother, my older brother and I before I was born. Growing up with a Father who walked out on me, I began to believe the lie that I could NOT trust men.
So likely I only entrusted woman with my heart, actually one particular woman, and guarded myself emotionally from men. My mother, well she was a great mother, but working double shifts to provide for her family left her completely in the dark of my life.
....I hated what I had become and myself. I believed that I was unwanted, unworthy, stained, and as many would think unattainable.
However, what we believe about our situation or ourselves does not limit the power of God. I ended up giving my life to the Lord in grade 12, when I was 17 years old at a Winter Retreat, that my friend invited me to when I was in a hard place.
That was the most life changing moment in my life. I was the last person people thought would ever follow the Lord.
I want to encourage you to continue to pray for those who have not found salvation in Jesus yet, because with God all things are possible. With God no one is unattainable, with God no one is unreachable.
With Christ there are no “lost causes”. With Christ there is hope, with Christ there is freedom! Jesus is our Shepherd, and scripture says that, “In the same way your Father in Heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish”
(Matt: 18:14).
God’s will is for all to come to Him.
I wanted nothing to do with God. I went to the Retreat because I wanted to “get away”, funny how I was running towards the Lord before I even knew it.
God’s plan is beyond anything we can imagine. Romans 8:28 “He works ALL THINGS together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes”.
God was orchestrating this divine appointment when I would meet Him– and experience Him, before the time I was even born.
I came home from the Retreat, quit drinking, drugs, and cut ties with my “girlfriend” and other people who I associated with in that crowd. This was the first high of the roller coaster; of the journey I was about to partake on.
I began to live the life of a Christian – going to church, and praising Jesus to songs like “take take take it all”, but inside I was struggling with this temptation, this longing to be intimate with a woman. I wrestled with God – Lord your will is for men and woman to become one flesh, so why do I have this disfigured desire to be with woman.
For years I wrestled with this, jumping in and out of relationships, hating myself because I felt feelings towards women.
I finally convinced myself freedom was hopeless and I admitted defeat to this downward spiral that I knew would only lead to eternal death. I was longing for an intimacy with God – even though I didn’t know it at the time, but instead I was filling this void with the affirmation, affection, and sense of self-worth I thought I was getting from women.
The enemy used the lie that I began to believe as a little girl to fuel my belief that I was doomed and would never love a man. I of course jumped back into drinking (the only way I knew how to shut down and forget), which lead me back to a life of alcoholism and partying.
To cut this story short and not take away from the glory God deserves – by the will of God and His divine orchestration
I attended a conference where they did an alter call for people who wanted to be free from sexual sin.
I went up, people laid hands on me and began to speak freedom over me, and declare my true identity: that I was chosen, that I was worthy, that I was forgiven, that I was royalty, that I was free, that I was wonderfully and beautifully made.
The Holy Spirit fell on me like a blanket, tears began to pour down my face and the Peace that transcends all understanding rose up within me.
That night the Lord lifted the burden I had been carrying for years, and directed me to the truth that “who the son sets free, free indeed he will be”. I began to walk in freedom;
I began to walk in my identity.
I began to believe that I was a mighty daughter of a great King.
I began to believe that I had been forgiven and that I no longer was condemned because Jesus paid it all. I began to see the hope in my life, and I finally began to receive Gods undying love and forgiveness.
I began to forgive myself for the things of my past and as I learned to open my heart to God and trust Him, He began to enter the deep areas of hurt in my heart and brought freedom, and revealed to me His love as my Father.
You see I grew up without the model of a Father and never knew what unconditional love looked like.
So of course, I didn’t trust God because
I associated Him with my earthly father, but He continued to pursue me and watch over me.
Like the prodigal son – I left home and tried to fill my life with the things of the world, but when I returned to Him I found my true identity, and experienced the unconditional love and forgiveness of God the Father.
...I share this story with you because
I was trying to live a life for Jesus while I was still shackled to the floor. Be set free! He has paid it all.
Any holds that the Enemy has on you do not let it define you, because God already paid for your freedom. On the cross he screamed with His last breath, “It is Finished”, that means that every curse, every sin, every sickness – He paid it all.
So forgive yourself. Forgive those who have hurt you, who have disappointed you. We have been saved by the Grace of God to live freely for Him. “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1 a). The Lord desires for all of His children to walk in complete freedom. Do not compromise, do not admit defeat, and do not forget who you are in Christ.
1 Peter 2:9 “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light”.
When I invited Jesus into my heart,
I was saved and brought from darkness to light, but the battle we fight every day will not end until the coming of Christ. “Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses”(1 Timothy 6:12).
So my Sisters in Christ, lets use each day as an opportunity where we can know Jesus more deeply, where we can live sacrificially for Him even when it cost us everything. He died so we could live in freedom for all eternity and so we too could be used as the body of Christ to set others free through Him.
So lets together pick up the cross together, encourage our sisters and brothers in Christ, pray for those who are in captivity, and praise Jesus every day for we are chosen daughters of a Mighty and Glorious King.
About Kristen Scott:
My name is Kristen Scott, and I am 26 years old. I have been a Christian since I was 17 years old, but have only been passionately pursuing the Lord for 2 years. I am engaged to an amazing man of God, who has expressed so much grace and forgiveness. He waited patiently while God worked on my heart so I could receive his Love. I live in Regina Sask, and I work for Youth for Christ in a young woman’s Christian group home setting, and my role is to model the love of the Lord that these girls have never experienced so that they would know their worth and the hope that’s found in Jesus in a world filled with so much darkness.
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