{911 Week Series} By: Joceline Sweeney

 

 I vividly remember.  I remember exactly where I was standing.  I remember what the weather was like on that life altering September morning.  I remember the face of utter shock on the person telling me, that the world trade towers had been destroyed.  I remember instantly stopping what I was doing and rushing to a phone to call home to check on my family. The horror was nowhere near us, but yet I felt such an urgency at that moment to make sure my family was safe. We watched in disbelief, news reel after news reel about the tragedy. My mind was whirling, in a state of quiet panic. I didn’t want my children to see me worry. Not only had our ‘safe’ world been shaken to its core, but my husband had just finished his recruit training and his scheduled start date to become a volunteer firefighter was only 6 days away. We had talked about it at great length, but sometimes reality takes time to be absorbed. The loss of so many first responders, this tragedy brought so many of us to a screeching halt, and shocked me into our new way of life very quickly.

What if we lived in New York…

 We don’t have any sky scrapping, high rises where we live, but the reality is that being a firefighter, a first responder, is a dangerous, grueling job. House fires, explosions, car accidents, bomb threats, and death…were now going to become a part of our life. For our new firefighting family’s sake, I needed to find a new normal.

I have learned to pray and fervently pray I do. Each time the pager goes off, I pray for my husband’s safety, his comrades and for those who are in need of his help. I thank God for His peace that at times has had to pass all understanding.  From Waking up at 3:00am from what started as a simple dumpster fire to seeing flames licking up to 30 feet in the air, overtaking the night sky; to following an ambulance which carried my husband, the father of our three children, to the emergency room after a long, arduous call.   I had to reach deep to find God’s peace, when all my body wanted to do was shake uncontrollably, I reached.  Nothing else could have held me up for the next 18 frightening hours until my husband came home after that immense fire or waiting to get his test result in that stale, sterile emergency room. 

Only God’s peace.

I have learned to trust God with my precious husband. We both know it is a reality that one call could change the entire course of our lives.  In my arms, I have held my husband through heart wrenching times of despair, over horrific tragedies he has seen and sometimes could do nothing to change the outcome. I have learned to trust God as he has had to take things to Him, because I wouldn’t be able to handle the suffering and sadness etched in his mind. I have also had the privilege of rejoicing with him at the many beautiful, joyous triumphs that he has been a part of. I have learned to trust God with the better or for worse.

I have learned to trust his training. Our firefighters put an innumerable amount of hours into training and preparation for emergencies, so at the very moment the pager goes off, day or night, they are ready to battle whatever dangers lie before them. With critical clarity and keen perception they charge forward, often times, into the unknown. I have had the honour on more than one occasion of being at the fire station when a call has come in and seen the mental shift in their eyes, going from talking and laughing, to a heightened realm of preparedness, even before the tone is finished.

This is what they train for.

 

I have learned to share my husband and his specialized training with you.  My husband has been on the fire department for 13 dedicated, steadfast years, this coming September 17th. Countless times, the pager has gone off during family birthday parties, graduations, Christmas eves …. and so on. Many have been celebrated without my husband and father of our three girls, because he was called away to an emergency, to help someone in our community. Some may not quite understand the dedication it takes to be a volunteer first responder or the dedication it requires from their families. My husband is a Captain at our local fire department, this is not his full time job. He has his ‘9-5’ job, but the time and energy he pours into firefighting is in addition to his work at his ‘real job’. I have learned to share him. Time that is to be spent together partaking of family meals, special outings or even day to day house-hold chores are often given up for fire calls and training.  Many sleepless nights are a part of that commitment, not only for the firefighters, but also for their families. Much extra work is often left for the other half of a firefighter as we give them up to rush away to help someone, sometimes in desperate need, but that is our gift, our commitment to you. I have learned that when my husband has to run out the door during the simple times of life or even those special moments, I set the atmosphere in our family, about his dedication to the fire department, to our community, to you. I have truly learned to appreciate and cherish the times we do have with him.  When the tones go off, I pray, regroup, and look forward to when our hero, husband and father comes home. Safely.

 We have learned as a firefighting family to let him go fulfill his God given passion, his calling to help others, we stand extremely proud.

 So to all those wives/husbands and children, who have the privilege of ‘sharing’ your loved one with a fire department, we rise up today, we remember with honour those of you who have paid the ultimate price of service and highly commend you for your utter selflessness, because behind every heroic, dedicated firefighter is an equally heroic, dedicated, sacrificial family.

May we never take them for granted.


About Joceline:

Joceline is a Jesus-loving, Label making, Organizing, Cute-scarf wearing, Home-schooling Momma of three.
Married to her high school sweetheart,Best-Friend and Husband of almost 19 years.
The Woman behind her Fire-fighter hero for 13 dedicated years.