The Martin Family!

 

I wasn't quite sure what I would write when Kerrington first asked me to do this! I don't know that my little family of 5 would have all that much to offer, but as I thought more and more about it, the same theme kept coming to mind. A sure foundation. I will expound more, but let me first introduce you to my family. My husband and I met 15 years ago, and last year celebrated our 10 year anniversary. 10 years may seem like a long time, but I feel like I blinked and here we are! We now have a daughter, Julia (age 8), and 2 sons-Noah (age 6) and Lucah (age 4).

Nothing really prepares you for marriage and parenthood. You may have gotten advice from family and friends prior to these big decisions, but until you are in the thick of things, you don't realized how hard it can really be.

Something that has always stuck with me is something my dad said when I was a teenager. At the time, I never really understood it. But now, many years later I realize how right he was. We were at the table having our usual post dinner family discussions when he said to us (and I paraphrase-it was a really long time ago!) “You should always love your husband/wife more that your kids.” Naturally, I was offended because I was HIS kid! But he went on to explain. If you make your marriage a priority no matter who or what is in your life, your children will always have a sure foundation. Such simple words, but they have always stayed with me. I want my children to grow up feeling secure, knowing they are loved unconditionally and accepted no matter what. What better way to ensure this than by modelling this in our marriage.

Now, this is no easy task. I fail everyday, and my husband can attest to that! Sometimes we get so caught up in the busyness of life, that I feel more like we are managing a household together rather than being husband and wife. Between work, gymnastics, hockey, soccer, cleaning up messes (there are a lot of them with 3 little ones), making meals and preparing school lunches, it's hard to carve out time for each other! But you have to, it is the best gift you can give your children. A legacy of love and a lasting relationship they themselves can model. My parents did that for me and my goal is to do the same.

There is no tried and true way that you can achieve this. I could give you a million date night suggestions and other ways to spend time together, but every family and marriage is different. You will have to find what works for you. But I encourage you to talk to your spouse about taking time out to make your marriage a priority.

One thing we have done is take a week long trip (just the 2 of us) on our anniversary every other year or so. Nothing recharges your marriage like leaving behind real life stresses and responsibility and just relaxing together. That may not be feasible for everyone, but a weekend here or there works too! If you have never been away from your kids overnight, the first time will be difficult, but I assure you it gets easier!

 

 

Please don't think that I am claiming to have a perfect family or marriage. Even as I write this, I am feeling challenged and convicted! But I know that this is what I want for my family.

~Stephaine Martin